Grieving father warns parents of Internet's 'dangerous gateway'
A cultural change is occurring almost without notice
BY LELAND ACKER STAFF WRITER
American culture is changing faster than parents can imagine. As a result, phenomenal things arise often without parental detection for years. Such is the case with internet social networking sites, the best known of which is MySpace.com.

"Parents need to understand the issue is greater than what they think," said Woody Edmiston, a long time law enforcement officer whose recent book, "Why Parents Should Fear MySpace," offers insight into the dangers of Web sites like MySpace. "On MySpace, there is no traffic cop, no teachers, no crossing guard. There is no support or encouragement to keep your child on the right track. In fact, the encouragement is often to experiment with different things.

"Parents need to first learn this animal themselves, then figure out how to deal with it in their homes."

Mr. Edmiston goes out of his way to explain that his book is not a diatribe against MySpace, neither is he singling them out as a Web site. He says there are several Web sites for social networking, but MySpace is the leading one.

This book is not only the culmination of lengthy research and an expert background in law enforcement, but comes as the result of a tragic incident in Mr. Edmiston's family. His son, whom he refers to as Rick or Ricky, committed suicide as a result of an online experience on MySpace.

Woody Edmiston shows a copy of his book, "Why Parents Should Fear MySpace," during a visit to a local park. Mr. Edmiston's adopted son committed suicide due to his experiences on MySpace.

"MySpace is a way to advertise one's self...to put one's best foot forward," he said, explaining how Ricky had created an online, imaginary persona for himself on MySpace.

"His name was Rick Rokr. He was pretending to be older, a lead guitar player for a band, making one to two-thousand dollars every weekend playing gigs at night clubs," Mr. Edmiston explained. Rick "met" a girl online, whom Mr. Edmiston gave the pseudonym "Fontiqua" in the book to protect her identity.

"They never met, they were never in the same room together," Mr. Edmiston said. "They fell in love and got married on MySpace."

He said when Rick and Fontiqua announced their marriage on the site, they received lots of messages from their online friends congratulating them and saying their love would last forever. In the book, Mr. Edmiston records how that desire for a "forever" relationship came from Ricky's troubled past. (Ricky was adopted after several years of neglect from biological and foster parents.)

"He thought he had created a forever relationship after he had lost several close female relationships due to (his past)," Mr. Edmiston said. "They were both fibbing. He was saying he was 17, but he was 15. She was saying she was almost 17, but she was 13."

Mr. Edmiston said when Fontiqua turned 14, she was allowed to begin dating boys in her city. As a result, she decided to break up with Rick.

"The day she told him, he had been on the computer all day long," he said. "He was still into Rick Rokr, when he broke into my gun safe and in an impulsive rage took his life based on a bad thing in his life that wasn't even real."

Ricky's story, which makes up the final chapter of the book which highlights the multiple dangers of MySpace, ended in tragedy for a number of reasons.

"The problem with MySpace is, when dealing with adolescents, it influences the creation of their identity," Mr. Edmiston said. "Adolescence is when we adopt the persona we will have for life.

"All kids during adolescence try on different styles. For myself, it was a black motorcycle jacket. I never owned a motorcycle, but I wanted one."

Mr. Edmiston discussed how parents move to the right neighborhoods so their kids could go to the right schools. He said they select the best church and try to help them find the right friends, friends whom they would most like them to emulate.

"On social networking sites, there are millions of new friends, not just from your community, but from all over the world," he said. "They are not from the same age groups either. You have age groups colliding, dealing with topics a 17-year old is not ready to deal with."

Mr. Edmiston said 17 to 20 percent of social networking site profiles include the words "I hate my parents," or something similar. He said teens who are on such sites can be solicited for inappropriate relationships, and taught things parents do not want their children taught.

"If I told you that tonight, someone would come through your child's window, and teach them how to log on to porn sites, how to argue with you, or how to hate you, what would you do? You would wait by that window with a baseball bat," he said, "But it is these things that happen on social networking sites."

Mr. Edmiston said social networking sites are not all bad.

"It is a watershed event toward more acceptance toward cultural changes during uncomfortable times for parents," he said. "Parents have to educate themselves as to what this thing is. It's a totally new thing, but not necessarily a bad thing. A Peterbilt truck is not a bad thing, until it runs over you because you didn't know it was there. I was hit by a Peterbilt truck. Who could have thought there was an imaginary space, where everything was imaginary, but the people talking back seemed real?"

Mr. Edmiston gave warning signs to look for.

"They become secretive is the first sign," he said. "They don't want you in the room when they are on the computer. You walk in and they shut it down."

The next sign is grumpiness.

"There is a physiological effect from staring at a computer screen all day."

Mr. Edmiston recommended software that would help track your child's computer usage. Such is easily obtained by logging on to Integrity.com. Spectersoft is another such software, Mr. Edmiston said.

Mr. Edmiston's book, "Why Parents Should Fear MySpace," is available online at Amazon. com, BarnesandNoble.com or Target.com. Locally, the book can be purchased at the Texas Bookstore in Bullard, the Green Acres Book Store in Tyler and the Tyler location of Barnes and Noble.

Mr. Edmiston will have a book signing from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. on April 28 at the Tyler Barnes and Noble. He also holds seminars about social networking sites. Seminars can be scheduled by emailing Mr. Edmiston at wedmiston@ suddenlink.net, or by calling (903) 216-3115.